For better or worse

Last night I was so frustrated I felt like screaming (maybe I did scream). Last night I was so frustrated I felt like crying. The kids had me all bent out of shape. Yesterday morning after running a few errands I came home and did some laundry, vacuum and clean the house. The kids did not take a long nap and by early evening the house was totally destroyed. I was so upset about this. I really try not to get bothered about these things but you just really had to see the house. And the worse part was that it did not take them that long at all. Anyways, I sent Greg a text message in which I vented how I felt and it was so funny how much better I felt by doing that. I've heard it said before that if you are angry about something you should write (journal) about your thoughts. I've even heard that if someone makes you mad, you should write them a letter explaining how you feel even if you decide not to mail the letter. I think these are good advices because I've always felt better after writing about how I feel. Words are words whether you write or say them.


A friend of mine recently called me to talk about how she was feeling frustrated with her 7 month-old son and his sleeping habits. I gave her some tips on some things that I tried in the past that might help. I made sure to remind her though that every child is different and she just has to kind of play it by ear and see what works for her son. She was saying how it's funny that first she was worried about his night time sleeping and now it's his daytime sleeping patterns that concerns her the most. I told her that it works like that because every stage in a baby's life is different. I also told her that now that we are out of baby stage in our family doesn't mean that things get easier. We have a 5-year old and 2-year old and we have different things we have to deal with at each age. When you are in a frustrating stage though it doesn't feel like it will get any better but it will. Soon you will get through that stage and on to the next. This too shall pass.

When our 2 year old was a baby he had colic. There were days when we felt like we would literally go mad. In fact sometimes I felt like we should be calling 911 because something must be seriously wrong with this child. When the colic first started I told my husband, "we need to take him to the ER." (it was a Sunday evening so his doctor's office was closed). I remember my husband saying, "you can't take a baby to the ER because he is crying!" And I was thinking-- well this type of crying ain't normal...something must be wrong with him. Yes, something was wrong...he had colic which meant no one knew what to do and how to help him. We went through months of frustration and several emotions. While we were going through it I remember how mad I'd get when someone said, "it will get better soon!" or "this too shall pass." I really didn't feel like it was going to get better anytime soon. Then one night (when he was a little over 4 months, just like the doctor said) it stopped. Just like that! Then we started wondering , "is it really over?" We thought for sure it was coming back. After we realized it was really gone we believed that after dealing with colic there was nothing our kids could do that we wouldn't be able to handle. However, there have been days where I've felt like they are going to drive me crazy. So, it's just funny how your mind works. When you are going through something tough or negative in your perspective, sometimes it doesn't matter what someone tells you it's more about how you perceives it. It is true that you will get through it but it's hard to hear that when you are going through it.


I've find that sometimes people who have been there before and you think they would be sympathetic are not always sympathetic. They can be the biggest critic of all. It's almost like they've forgotten being down that road. They will criticize too because they are not happy about something in their lives. Misery loves company. As a parent, I find that the biggest critic are mostly parents and they usually say something like "my kids never did that!" (referring to when someone else's kid is acting up). A friend of mine was telling me that while at the doctor's her 15 month old daughter was acting up and she said to the nurse, "do you have children?" After she nodded my friend said to her, "were they ever like this?" The nurse boldly said, "never!" Then maybe after seeing the look on my friend's face she added, "no I should take that back because when my son was 2 he had a tantrum in a store once."


If you are a parent, chances are you have or will soon deal with meltdowns. Children don't always behave as expected and that does not mean they are bad children...they are just being kids. When my friends call me asking for advice and encouragement, I don't tell them that my kids have never done those things because that would be a lie. I offer them advice according to how I might handle the situation but I always tell them that what works for me might not work for them and so ultimately they have the final decision. No 2 children are the same so what I did in one situation might not work for your child in a similar situation. Therefore, it's good for parents to have several resources so that they have choices. Parenting is hard work and there is no manual to follow, if only it was that easy. Sometimes you just have to live and learn. You just have to take the good and the bad...frustrated nights and all! I'm Kerry Todd and I am a parent...for better or worse.