When will the worrying stop?

Parenting is such a roller coaster.

One minute you are up and another you are down.


Sometimes happy.


Sometimes sad.


One day the kids are driving me crazy.


Another day I'm beaming with pride---Arjay is off his pacifier and I am so happy and proud of him.


One minute I'm upset at the kids.


Another minute...they have me falling over on the floor with laughter.


One minute I want to scream or break something.


Another minute I can't stop hugging and kissing them.


One day I need a break from the kids.


Another day I'm missing the kids---Adryana is off on her first drop-off play date with a friend from school. I miss her so much and I'm worried; is she okay? I've already called and checked but still I want to call and check again. I want to rush over there and get her, isn't it time already?


Oh how I wish this worry would go away.


When will the worry stop? My mom has already informed me on several occasions that the worrying will never end. She says that even when the kids are grown you'll still be worried and then when your kids have kids you'll worry about their kids too.


So there will be added worry.


I want to stop the worry but every day brings a new worry.


I guess it's just all a part of parenting and I just have to accept and learn to get use to the worry.


Now I'm worried about getting used to the worry.

For better or worse

Last night I was so frustrated I felt like screaming (maybe I did scream). Last night I was so frustrated I felt like crying. The kids had me all bent out of shape. Yesterday morning after running a few errands I came home and did some laundry, vacuum and clean the house. The kids did not take a long nap and by early evening the house was totally destroyed. I was so upset about this. I really try not to get bothered about these things but you just really had to see the house. And the worse part was that it did not take them that long at all. Anyways, I sent Greg a text message in which I vented how I felt and it was so funny how much better I felt by doing that. I've heard it said before that if you are angry about something you should write (journal) about your thoughts. I've even heard that if someone makes you mad, you should write them a letter explaining how you feel even if you decide not to mail the letter. I think these are good advices because I've always felt better after writing about how I feel. Words are words whether you write or say them.


A friend of mine recently called me to talk about how she was feeling frustrated with her 7 month-old son and his sleeping habits. I gave her some tips on some things that I tried in the past that might help. I made sure to remind her though that every child is different and she just has to kind of play it by ear and see what works for her son. She was saying how it's funny that first she was worried about his night time sleeping and now it's his daytime sleeping patterns that concerns her the most. I told her that it works like that because every stage in a baby's life is different. I also told her that now that we are out of baby stage in our family doesn't mean that things get easier. We have a 5-year old and 2-year old and we have different things we have to deal with at each age. When you are in a frustrating stage though it doesn't feel like it will get any better but it will. Soon you will get through that stage and on to the next. This too shall pass.

When our 2 year old was a baby he had colic. There were days when we felt like we would literally go mad. In fact sometimes I felt like we should be calling 911 because something must be seriously wrong with this child. When the colic first started I told my husband, "we need to take him to the ER." (it was a Sunday evening so his doctor's office was closed). I remember my husband saying, "you can't take a baby to the ER because he is crying!" And I was thinking-- well this type of crying ain't normal...something must be wrong with him. Yes, something was wrong...he had colic which meant no one knew what to do and how to help him. We went through months of frustration and several emotions. While we were going through it I remember how mad I'd get when someone said, "it will get better soon!" or "this too shall pass." I really didn't feel like it was going to get better anytime soon. Then one night (when he was a little over 4 months, just like the doctor said) it stopped. Just like that! Then we started wondering , "is it really over?" We thought for sure it was coming back. After we realized it was really gone we believed that after dealing with colic there was nothing our kids could do that we wouldn't be able to handle. However, there have been days where I've felt like they are going to drive me crazy. So, it's just funny how your mind works. When you are going through something tough or negative in your perspective, sometimes it doesn't matter what someone tells you it's more about how you perceives it. It is true that you will get through it but it's hard to hear that when you are going through it.


I've find that sometimes people who have been there before and you think they would be sympathetic are not always sympathetic. They can be the biggest critic of all. It's almost like they've forgotten being down that road. They will criticize too because they are not happy about something in their lives. Misery loves company. As a parent, I find that the biggest critic are mostly parents and they usually say something like "my kids never did that!" (referring to when someone else's kid is acting up). A friend of mine was telling me that while at the doctor's her 15 month old daughter was acting up and she said to the nurse, "do you have children?" After she nodded my friend said to her, "were they ever like this?" The nurse boldly said, "never!" Then maybe after seeing the look on my friend's face she added, "no I should take that back because when my son was 2 he had a tantrum in a store once."


If you are a parent, chances are you have or will soon deal with meltdowns. Children don't always behave as expected and that does not mean they are bad children...they are just being kids. When my friends call me asking for advice and encouragement, I don't tell them that my kids have never done those things because that would be a lie. I offer them advice according to how I might handle the situation but I always tell them that what works for me might not work for them and so ultimately they have the final decision. No 2 children are the same so what I did in one situation might not work for your child in a similar situation. Therefore, it's good for parents to have several resources so that they have choices. Parenting is hard work and there is no manual to follow, if only it was that easy. Sometimes you just have to live and learn. You just have to take the good and the bad...frustrated nights and all! I'm Kerry Todd and I am a parent...for better or worse.

Valentine's & More

I hope you all had a great Valentine's Day. I had a spectacular one. Greg and I were able to sleep in a little later since he didn't have to wake up early for work. The kids decided to give us a break I guess. Arjay didn't wake up until about 7:45 am and although Adryana woke up a bit earlier she went to watch TV in the living room. It was cold so I did not want to get out of bed. Plus when you have young children you don't always get to sleep in so you have to take advantage of it when it comes along so rarely.

Greg got out of bed and changed Arjay's diaper while Adryana climbed in bed with me. We snuggled for a while until Greg returned shortly with gifts. Greg's so romantic. He always get Adryana a gift too. She was ecstatic of course. Her Dad got her a card, some candy roses and a little teddy bear with carnation hearts. She was so happy. I gave Arjay some candy, a little hot wheel car and some bubbles. He was excited mostly about the car and the candy of course.

This is a tradition we started a few years back. Greg feels that it is important for Adryana to know how she is supposed to be treated by a man. So he wants to make sure she won't settle for less when she's older and starts dating. This is my first year getting Arjay a gift. He's only 2 so I know he doesn't understand yet but I knew he would want a gift because Adryana was getting one.

Following the gift exchange, I made Greg a ham & cheese omelette; One of his faves. Much later in the day I went to the nail salon and got a pedicure, it was much needed and it felt great. I was so relaxed in the massge chair I almost fell asleep. After that I picked up our dinner from Chili's. When I got home we sat together and had our dinner. They forgot the fries for the kids so that was a bit dissapointing but the food was good. They were packed and very busy so I'm glad the food tasted good. My Valentine's was really good and very special too because Greg and I were celebrating our 10th Valentine's Day together. God has blessed us with each other and we are both very grateful.

Right now I'm taking a break from packing and getting ready for our trip to Ft. Lauderdale. We'll be gone all weekend. We have a cousin's baby shower tomorrow. Then on Sunday Greg will be running his second marathon. Please pray for him! He feels bad about his timing last time since he had too much water and his legs started cramping. He's hoping to get it right this time and get the time he's really after (which is to finish under or appoximately 4 hrs). I'll be hoping that he completes it without getting hurt. Keep us in your prayers. Have a great weekend!

Anti-Valentine???

While shopping recently I noticed that there was a section in the card aisle for anti-Valentine's card. Not really sure what that is all about. I can only speculate that some grouchy single person thought it would be a good idea to make and sell anti-Valentine's cards. I also understand that some people don't like the idea of being told "when to celebrate their love."

As for me, I like Valentine's but then I'm pretty much a sucker for romance. I know that my Dad has said that he felt that hoildays are too commercialized and pretty much all about making money. (Daddy did you start the anti-Valentine?...lol).

Anyways, I think that Valentine's Day is really special. I love red...it is one of my favorite colors so I like seeing all the red hearts and beautiful Valentine's stuff. Greg and I always celebrate Valentine's Day. We've chosen to keep it simple to keep the focus on celebrating our love and showing our appreciation for each other and not on trying to "wow" each other with outlandish gifts. I agree that you should always look for ways to celebrate your love and appreciation all year round so Valentine's Day and every other holiday can just be for extra loving! I'm all about the loving too because I am a hopeless romantic.

Last year we bought each other DVD's that we both wanted and of course we went out on a date. Greg usually gets me flowers, chocolate and balloons (one year it was a singing balloon, singing "How sweet it is to be love by you!" It was really cute!) I think that the biggest thing for us right now is to be able to go on a date. We love spending time with each other but it's not always so easy with 2 young children and getting a babysitter can be really costly. So, last night we decided to go out on our Valentine's date. We've learned that staying away from restaurants on Valentine's Day is a great idea...they are usually way too crowded and the food is not as good. Last year we went the day after Valentine's and it was still pretty crowded. Greg also got food poisoning so we haven't been back to that restaurant.

Yesterday we got my friend to baby-sit for us and even though it was rainy and somewhat cold we still went out on our date. We ate at Bonefish Grill in Wesley Chapel. Bonefish is one of our favorite places to eat but we hadn't been to that location before. It was very nice and cozy. It was also fairly empty. The service and the food was great. We had the bang bang shrimp (appetizer). It is abosultely delicious and we have it every time we go to Bonefish. It is a must have! Then I ordered the Atlantic Salmon with Mango Salsa. This is my first time having that dish and it was amazingly good. I love Salmon so I always like to try it when I go to restaurants. The sauces are always different. I also like the Miso salmon at Cheesecake Factory.

The most important part of the date was being able to sit with Greg and having a conversation without interrruptions from the kids. It felt wonderful...I love going on dates with my husband. I actually met Greg at the restaurant after he left work. It kinda felt like when we were in college and dating and we would meet up at wherever we were going since we lived in opposite directions. Then I would hate it when it was time to go because we would have to get in separate cars and go our separate ways,

Believe it or not I thought about that when we were getting married...about how great it would be when we would actually get in one car and go to one house together. That has always been special to me, even now I don't like when we have to drive separate. I enjoy our conversations during a car ride. Some of our best and most meaningful conversations happened during long car trips.

Needless to say, you will not find any support for anti-Valentine here, although I am sympathetic towards singles. I'm all for celebrating. You know me, always love a good party. I also happen to LOVE my husband a whole lot. And I will shout it if I have to. Greg and I have had some very memorable Valentine's dates. In fact, I still remember our first one. Greg came over to my parents house to pick me up with beautiful red roses and a teddy bear. We went to a Italian restaurant and went back a year later and the restaurant was no longer opened. Bummer! After that date, I coiled the name "Teddy" for Greg and I've used it to affectionately call my husband for all these years. So, here's to you Teddy. I love you now and always. Will you be my Valentine?

You Choose

Last night millions of Americans sat anxiously waiting for the results of Super Tuesday. Like most Americans, Greg and I are already leaning towards one candidate and we wanted to hear the results too. However, sometime after 10:30 pm Greg fell asleep and although I tried my hardest not to I followed shortly after. So this morning I tuned in to CNN to see the results. CNN is currently reporting that the democratic candidates are locked in a tight rope and that McCain is the frontrunner for the Republican party. Of course there is still time for this to go another way. Or is it? I say this because it will all come down to one thing...how many people get up off their butts and go and vote. Some say one vote cannot make a difference but if you added all the people who said that imagine how many votes that would be. People, this country is heading in a downhill direction presently and something has to be done. We all have a voice and we have to use it...VOTE!!!

As for me, I'm not usually one for politics. Yeah, people might say "oh you are just young!" But that is not the case, I just have never been this interested before. Right now however, it's exhilerating watching and waiting to see what will happen. I mean our country might be on the verge of making history-the first black or first woman president. I know that as a black female I am excited about either possibilities. However, I understand that these 2 are not the most likely candidates for Christians. So Greg and I have discussed our views and beliefs and made our decision together. I've heard that many Christians, including Dr. James Dobson believes that the candidates in the race does not give us good choices. In fact, he says that they are the worst possible candidates for presidency and he will probably not cast a vote in November. Read here! Many other Christians think it's best just to vote for Mitt Romney who is the more conservative of the 2 (McCain & Romney) even if he does not win the primary nomination; they will just write his name in. That vote would not count. The bottom line is this, please vote.

It may be a hard decision for some people this time around but we should vote. Our voices need to be among those represented. You should think about your decision and make up your own mind. Do not allow others to sway your vote. You vote, you choose! I've heard of some pastors even commanding their congregation on who to vote for. They evn bring a particular candidate to the church service pretty much endorsing that person. I've sat in a church service, during the last preseidential election, where the Pastor expressed how important it was to vote for George Bush. He believe that George Bush was the right choice for Christians. He basically told the congregation that as a Christian that was their only choice (not John Kerry). Because George Bush is a Christian, he would fight for our rights. He would fight for the issues that were important to Christians. However, to date the only thing George Bush has been fighting is his war in Iraq. Many Christians feel bamboozled and even upset about him going to war in Iraq. We are still waiting for all his anti-gay marriage amendments (declaring that marriage should only be with a man and a woman, yes he said it but in the same breath he also said that each state had a right to decide if they will allow civil union), stopping stem-cell research and anti-abortion rights. Many Christians are living with regrets for casting their votes for George Bush. I thank God I'm in a church that is NOT telling me who to vote for!

We all have a mind of our own, Christians or not. God gave us the ability to choose. Even in something as important as eternity, God gave us a choice. He could have simply commanded that we all worship Him. He is God, He is able to do that. Instead he has given us the ability to choose for ourselves. Of course with that ability to choose there are also consequences for making wrong choices. The same will apply to how we choose to vote. But the bottom line is this...you have to make that choice. Not your spouse, not your parents, not your friends and certainly not your pastors. You!

When Hurt Happens

I watched a movie last night that left an impression on me. The title of the movie is "Woman Thou Art Loosed" based on the novel by Bishop T.D.Jakes (I'm thinking I need to read the book now!). The movie is basically about an unforgettable story that follows the life of Michelle Jordan who is raised in a home of dysfunction and abuse. The years of mistreatment from her mother's boyfriend (who sexually abused her) result in Michelle's entanglement in a world of drugs, prostitution and imprisonment.

Michelle is finally out on parole and she's determined to turn her life around. She's attending revival at the church, trying to work on her estranged relationship with her mother and even reconnecting with her first love. She spends hours at revival and the preaching of T. D. Jakes is affecting her in a positive manner. She's working through her anger and issues with forgiveness. Finally, T. D. Jakes asks everyone to bring something from their past that has them bound. T. D. Jakes believes that if you bring the object and leave it at the altar it is symbolic of you letting it go. This way you can start the process of healing. Michelle decides to bring her bloody dress (the dress she wore when she was assaulted by her mother's boyfriend). Apparently, she had it buried under her mother's house for over 20 years.

When T. D. Jakes makes the altar call Michelle is on her way. She's smiling and her friends and even her mother is waving their approval at her. She bends down to place her dress at the altar unaware that at the same moment her mother's boyfriend (who the mother chose to believe over her daughter btw) is at the altar too. He is finally accepting Jesus and ready to change his life. He is being sincere and tried to call out to Michelle and beg her forgiveness. However, the minute she looks up and sees him standing there reaching out to her she snapped. She pulled out her gun (which she was carrying for protection because the pimp that she used to work for demanded that she return to work for him and when she refused he beat her to a pulp so a friend of hers gave her a gun). She shot her mother's boyfriend several times killing him instantly.

Following this she is sentenced to death and is on death row being counseled by T. D.Jakes when the movie begins. Throughout the movie we learn of the sexual abuse by her stepfather and the path she chosed after that. I was deeply touched by this movie, I cried like a baby. I'm pretty emotional so it is not unusual for me to cry while watching movies. I love lifetime movies and I cry when I watch them too! I'm not really blogging about me crying. I have a few points that I want to make so I'm just going to get to it. I want to take a minute to really talk to parents. In this movie, the mother chose to believe her boyfriend over her daughter even though Michelle told her what happened right way. In fact she was still wearing her bloody dress and her cheek was swollen from where he slapped her. The evidence was right in front of her mother's eyes but she still insisted that her daughter was lying. Later she did confront her boyfriend but after he reassured her that he would never do such a thing and how could she even think that then she accepted that as the truth. This really bothers me because children are innocent and even if you don't believe something they say as a parent you should do your research. When in doubt, check it out.

I believe that parenting is a vey serious commitment. As for me, I'd rather be called an "over-protective parent" than a negligent parent. My children are that important to me. The way I look at it is like this...our children did not ask to come here. We were the ones that decided that we wanted to bring children in this world. We made that choice whether wholeheartedly or not. Therefore we have a duty- a responsiblity to these children. I've often wonder how can a mother stay in this kind of situation and allow it to totally break her child/ren? There is no excuse for this. If a child comes to her/his mother and tells her he/she is hurt, s/he's coming for protection. A mother is suppose to be able to provide that.

Michelle Jordan stated that once she lost her innoncence she felt like a part of her had died. She said that one minute she was singing and playing just as a child would and then in one single moment all of that vanished and she would never be able to get that back. She was so hurt by what her step-father did and she couldn't understand it. But then to be rejected again by her mother really hurt her all over again. How do you get past that kind of hurt? T.D. Jakes told her that a part of her hadn't really died, that part was in hiding and that's why it was important for healing to take place so that the child in her could come out of hiding.

So what was her mother response to all of this when the truth finally came out? She believes that she did the best she could in the situation. I was so angry when I heard this fictitious mother explain that bad things happen and that it happened to her and that her mother told her that "we've all got our crosses to bear and our little dresses to wear" (whatever that means). We are the adults in the situation and we need to figure out how to address whatever problems may arise in our household. I'm tired of people taking the easy way out and brushing it under the rug, that's why abuse happens so often. There's no one I HATE more than a child molester. Yes I HATE!! I think in this case I'm allowed. I think they are just the worst kind of people, I'm not even sure we can call them humans. They are just plain filthy and I believe that there is no kind of justice better for them than the death penalty. I believe this and I've always felt this way but there is another point from the movie that is stuck in my head. It's when Michelle says to T. D. Jakes that she has forgiven her mother and she hopes that her mother will forgive her too because it was not up to her to take something from her (killing her boyfriend) because something (her innocence & childhood) was taken from her. She finally realized that it was up to God to judge and if God could forgive him then she could too. It was really profound because I'm not sure how a person can just let go of all that hurt and anger? All I know is that Jesus is the answer. Until we surrender all of our hurts to him we cannot be truly free. In order to have healing we have to forgive and let go of the hurt. God knows I'm not perfect, I struggle with forgiveness too. But I do know that the Bible says "by his stripes we are healed." Therefore, I believe that healing can happen and will happen.

I believe that there are many broken and hurting people in this world because the devil is out at work attacking any and everyone he can get to. Because of this, the cycle still continues. Hurting kids turn into hurting adults and if they don't get over the hurt (through healing) then they will ultimately continue the hurting cycle. Of course I'm not claiming to be an expert on this. I just think that parents need to be constantly aware and know that abuse does exist and it can happen to your child too. And if it has already happened to you my friend and you are hurting today, just know that God is with you and He will never leave you. Seek Him and you will find Him.