I Don’t Mean To Offend You…

but ____________ (fill in whatever offensive thing you think someone would say). I hate when people say this statement. It really bugs me. It annoys me too that while they are saying this they will lean in towards the person who they are speaking to and sort of whisper this offensive thing that they don’t mean to offend you with. It’s as if they are doing you a favor, that’s why the whispering since they don’t want to embarrass you. People use your common sense here. If you are about to say something to someone and you have to begin with, “I don’t mean to offend you but…” Chances are… YOU ARE GOING TO OFFEND whoever you are speaking to. Just say what you have to say and get on with it. There’s no need to rub salt into someone’s wound. Obviously you think you are so right and you are about to have the final say…you know, clue this clueless person in about something about themselves that is so offensive and you are really helping them so you don’t want to offend them. You just want to tell them the truth, right? Let me just inform you that there are right ways to tell someone the truth and wrong ways to do it as well.
It’s probably a silly pet peeve of mine, but it really drives me crazy when people rise to the occasion to tell someone about their faults. I think that you shouldn’t always agree with someone even when you know they are wrong. However, it is totally unnecessary to “rub it in” when someone is wrong. We are all humans and we WILL make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Just because you are being critical about something doesn’t mean that you have to be negative. Ever heard of constructive criticism?
We all have to deal with criticism. Every once in a while we also have to tell someone we love something hurtful…it may be the truth but it will still hurt. Am I saying you should avoid telling them the truth? Not at all. I’m all about keeping it real and telling the truth. However, I believe that you can tell someone the truth about themselves in love. Proverbs 15:1 says “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” The way you speak to someone and the words you use can make a huge difference. If you say something to your friend like…“I don’t mean to offend you but you look fat in that dress!” You probably are going to offend your friend. You could tell your friend the truth in a much nicer fashion. You can always find someone to agree with you, even when you are wrong, but it takes a real friend to tell you the truth when you are wrong. So I am not saying that if you know you are going to offend someone you shouldn't’t say anything at all or just say something lovey-dovey that you don‘t really mean.
I recently read “Jesus Chronicles: Mark’s Story” and in this book, the story of when Peter had a dream about eating animals that he called “common” was discussed. A voice spoke to him saying, “what God has cleansed you must not call common.” The voice spoke 3 times and then told Peter to meet with a Gentile man named Cornelius. Peter realized that God was telling him that he should preach the gospel to the Gentiles and not just the Jews. Later the Jews were really upset with Peter for having dinner (“breaking bread”) with Gentiles. Peter decided, in fear of offending the Jews, to stop breaking bread with the Gentiles. Did he not realize that he would now offend the Gentiles?
Paul rebuked Peter for shunning the Gentiles by getting up from eating with Gentiles when a group of Jews came in. (See Gal. 2:11-14) This shows that even Peter, who have been used to take the Gospel to the Gentile Cornelius (Acts 10-11) did not fully understand or had not totally accepted the Gentiles as equal with the Jews in the churches. Peter did not want to offend the Jews but in the end he offended the Gentiles which was just as bad. Sometimes we are faced with a situation and in not wanting to offend someone we offend someone else. Is this right? No. That’s why it is always better to speak the truth. Just how you speak that truth though is also important. God commanded us to love one another. Speaking the truth in love can save a whole lot of hurt.